So, what's in a name?

It is so hard sometimes for independent women, women with the last of the family name, women who identify with who they are and don't know if they want to change, or women who just don't like the sound of their potential name when getting married to make the "last name" decision:

To change or not to change?

The Knot answers the question about deciding to take on a new name quickly and concisely...

Q. I am getting married in four weeks and can't decide what to do with my last name. I want to take my husband's name, but as the last generation with my family name, I feel a need to retain it. I am also attached to my middle name, so I don�t wish to make my maiden name my middle name. I've thought about hyphenating, but our names don't sound right together. I am looking for a way to take both last names and keep my middle name. What are the options?

A. Why not just add your husband's last name to the end of yours? That way you could legally retain your middle name and given last name, plus add his. You wouldn't have to write out the entire thing every time, as you would if you hyphenated. So for example, if your name is Jennifer Ann Jones, you could become Jennifer Ann Jones Smith. You could then shorten that to Jennifer Smith, or you could go by Jennifer Jones Smith, and so on. Simply adding his last name is one way to have it all!

.... but I know from personal experience that the decision, with its finite options, can be much harder than it appears in a one paragraph answer. I had to ask myself the same question 7 years ago.

Much like the woman in the article above, I come from a family that also has few options for carrying on the family name. Moreover, I felt strongly about keeping my name. After all, for me it was part of my identity. I have no problem saying that I am a fairly independent, strong...or stubborn...woman.

I went through the same, very real, and hard decision with my first marriage. My maiden name is Freal, and my married name-t0-be was Bahl (pronounced Ball). Brynn (pronounced Brin) Bahl just sounded silly, not to mention an awful lot like a sport...Brynn Bahl-broom ball?! And even more silly? Adding my middle initial to the mix. Brynn C. Bahl. To me, and to everyone else I tried it on....it sounded like "bouncy ball". To this day I thank my dear friend Andrea for begging me to think about how I would feel after years of jokes.

My, now ex, husband was very understanding and sympathetic with my plight...but, no amount of pleading or bargaining could get him to agree to take MY last name! However, he wasn't upset that I was so connected to my family to want to save the name. What was truly important was that we loved each other and were getting married. It wasn't about the name.

So, what did I do?

Legally....I did nothing. I kept my original name. And when addressed formally, I went by Mrs. Bahl. For me, it was as simple as that. I believe this is also what Jennifer Aniston did when she married Brad Pitt. She kept her name, Jennifer Aniston, but went formally by Mrs. Brad Pitt.

I know exactly what brides are going through, and it is a hard decision to make. I wanted to take the traditional route and take my new husband's last name as a sign of solidarity, but I also knew that being in a solid marriage meant more than just having the same last name. I look back on my decision now and know that my instinct for keeping my name, was a good one. I never had a second thought.

I suggest that couples talk about the decision and the options together, but that the bride take her time (as long as it takes) and explore all of the options before making such an important decision. Above all, follow your heart and your instinct.